Get roasted. Boost conversions.Get customers
Free, instant AI analysis of your homepage, scored out of 100 across conversion, craft, page speed, and AI visibility, in about 60 seconds. Public if you're brave.
“Close. The kind of close that's more annoying than being far away.”
“22 different buttons compete for the click. None of them is winning.”
“We came to roast and mostly found things that work. Respect, reluctantly.”
“Twelve portfolio entries and every one is called 'Data dashboard.' Someone forgot to write the actual case studies.”
“We came to roast and mostly found things that work. Respect, reluctantly.”
“The copy is doing buzzword cardio: lots of movement, going nowhere in particular.”
“Not one testimonial, review, or named customer on the page. Trust has nothing to hold onto.”
“Close. The kind of close that's more annoying than being far away.”
Recently roasted · names are opt-in
You already know something's off.
The numbers are fine until you look at them for a second time. Traffic arrives, conversion doesn't, and nobody can point at the reason without starting an argument. Three things are usually going on.
Everyone has a theory. Nobody has evidence.
Traffic comes in and doesn't convert, and everyone on the team has a different theory about why. The designer blames the copy, the founder blames the pricing page, the ads person blames the landing speed. The roast replaces the argument with findings you can point at.
You can't see your own site anymore.
After enough months inside your own product you read the hero the way you intended it, not the way a stranger does. Familiarity is a rendering bug in your own head. The roast is the stranger's first glance, written down.
The fix comes attached.
An audit fixes the seeing problem. Ours also fixes the “now what” problem: every finding arrives with the fix, ranked by what it's costing you, so Monday morning starts with a list instead of a debate.
How it works
Paste a URL and the engine does the rest. No signup, no card, no sales call. About sixty seconds from link to score, and the whole report is yours to share or ignore.
Paste your URL
No account, no card. The roast starts the second you hit enter.
We roast it
An AI audit of your homepage, desktop and mobile, against a fixed rubric: conversion, craft, page speed, and AI visibility.
You get the truth
Specific findings pinned to specific pixels. Share it, fix it, or pretend it never happened.
What we measure
One hundred points, four lenses, one homepage, desktop and mobile, against the same rubric for every site. Every check either passes or shows up in your findings with the evidence quoted. That's what makes the leaderboard mean something.
Conversion
35 ptsDoes this page persuade and convert?
Operationalised from Marc Lou's 31 principles of a viral product
- Does the hero sell on its own?
- One primary call to action that says what happens next
- Proof a real person would trust
- Copy only this business could have written
Craft
35 ptsIs this well-made, or template slop?
Operationalised from the Impeccable slop catalog
- Real type hierarchy, not one font at defaults
- A deliberate palette, not the violet-gradient template
- No gradient text, glass cards, or stock micro-interactions
- Copy that doesn't read as generated filler
Page Speed
10 ptsDoes this page load fast enough to keep visitors?
Google PageSpeed Insights, Lighthouse mobile profile
- Largest Contentful Paint under 2.5s on mobile
- Cumulative Layout Shift that doesn't move the page
- Total Blocking Time low enough to feel responsive
- Core Web Vitals search actually ranks on
AI Visibility
20 ptsCan AI engines read, understand, and cite you?
Deterministic presence checks. No other roast tool runs these
- GPTBot, ClaudeBot, PerplexityBot allowed in robots.txt
- JSON-LD structured data with the right types
- llms.txt, sitemap, semantic HTML
- Question-shaped content answer engines can lift
Ready for the whole truth?
The free roast reads one page. The Deep Roast signs up to your product, walks every flow desktop and mobile, and delivers the whole teardown in Figma: findings pinned, a senior walkthrough, and a roadmap. If it doesn't surface at least ten fixes you agree are worth making, you don't pay.
Start free. Go deep when you're ready.
The free roast reads your homepage. The Deep Roast walks your entire product over five business days and hands you the teardown in Figma.
Free Roast
Your homepage, scored and roasted in about 60 seconds.
- Roast Score out of 100
- Conversion, Craft, Page Speed, and AI Visibility findings
- Desktop and mobile screenshots
- Shareable result card and leaderboard entry (opt-in)
Deep Roast: Website
Your entire website, walked and dissected, delivered in Figma.
- Every page, desktop and mobile, captured and read
- Findings pinned, numbered, prioritised, with the fix
- Live AI-citation check against your competitors
- Recorded senior walkthrough + ordered roadmap
Editable-capture add-on $1,500: key screens rebuilt as editable Figma frames.
Book a Deep RoastDeep Roast: Website + App
Website and app together, including everything behind the login.
- Everything in Website
- Behind-the-login: onboarding, integrations, settings
- Error, empty, and OAuth states triggered and captured
- Key screens delivered as editable Figma frames
Ten fixes you agree are worth making, or you don't pay.
Questions, answered straight.
Is it actually free?
Yes. The roast costs nothing, needs no account, and doesn't gate your score behind an email. We make money when some of you want the whole product roasted. That's the Deep Roast.
Will it be mean?
Honest. We roast the work, not you. Every finding cites what it found on your page, and every finding comes with the fix.
What if I score well?
Public bragging rights: opt in and a high score puts your name on the leaderboard. A good roast is just an audit with the politeness removed, so surviving one means something.
How is the Deep Roast different from an agency audit?
We are the agency. The roast tooling does the walking, capturing, and counting, which means the senior time goes into judgment instead of screenshots, so it takes five days rather than five weeks.
Do you need access to my app?
A test account, or just your signup page: the Deep Roast signs up the way a customer would. Test cards for payment flows. Nothing destructive, ever.
Who sees my Deep Roast?
You. Only free roasts can appear on the leaderboard, and only when you opt in. Paid work is confidential.
What happens after the Deep Roast?
You get a roadmap ordered by impact. We can run it for you, with no obligation. About a third of clients ask us to.
Can you roast a competitor?
Owner consent only, but you can nominate them for a free roast and we won't tell.
“Close. The kind of close that's more annoying than being far away.”
“22 different buttons compete for the click. None of them is winning.”
“We came to roast and mostly found things that work. Respect, reluctantly.”
“Twelve portfolio entries and every one is called 'Data dashboard.' Someone forgot to write the actual case studies.”
“We came to roast and mostly found things that work. Respect, reluctantly.”
“The copy is doing buzzword cardio: lots of movement, going nowhere in particular.”
“Not one testimonial, review, or named customer on the page. Trust has nothing to hold onto.”
“Close. The kind of close that's more annoying than being far away.”
Find out. It's free.
Sixty seconds from now you'll know your score.